Writing is Hard

Clearly, whether or not writing is hard and how hard it is will be relative to different people. For me, writing can be easy. I am the type of person who crafts an outline or a story in my mind, so I can often sit down and easily write an essay, a chapter, 10,000 words or so if I have been able to give it a proper amount of thought.

Now, that only works when my brain has not been broken by other things. This is where it gets hard for me.

Someday, I hope to be able to support my family entirely with my writing. I love the idea of being able to work for myself and to be beholden to no one but me. I’ve never liked being told what to do. I’m pretty sure that comes from me being the youngest child and being bossed around and punched into submission during my formative years. It is also because I hold myself to a high standard, so I don’t really need other people to do it as well. Anyway, I digress.

As much as I would like to work for myself, I am just starting out, so it would be unwise for me to quit the day job (teaching) and the part-time job (also teaching).

The problem I’m running into is that I spend so much time and mental energy on the things I must do (working the salaried jobs, keeping my children alive, feeding myself, etc.), I have very little energy left for this thing I love to do. And it is really bumming me out.

I have an intense, pure, hopeful desire to write and to write well. I can feel the characters and the stories in my mind knocking and scratching at the doors to be let out, but I keep having to shush them so I can get my work done. My creative brain is being stifled by the obligations of my real life. I’m struggling to find that balance so I can have it all, do it all.

So, here I sit, typing away when I should be sleeping. Perhaps I was hoping writing it down would help me find the solution. (Hey, that works for me sometimes.) I think mainly I am hoping someone out there has the answer and that person will stumble across my blog (obviously brought along by one of my many followers who have raved about my genius) and convey such wisdom to me. Either way, it feels ever-so-slightly better to have it written and put it out in the world. Even if no one reads it and no one has an answer for me, it’s comforting to know the idea is out there. It’s on the record that I’m trying. It may take me twice as long or ten times as long, but I’m determined to do it. I’ll let you know how it turns out.